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To Whom It May Concern,

It’s my birthday on Sunday. I would like it ever so much if you could give me these things when I awake, one year older:

A bedside lamp that works. Mangos. Lots of mangos. 27*C weather. A pair of killer heels. For a sad friend to be happy, even just for a little bit. The answers to the following questions: Why do really terrible things happen to really terrific people? Do echidnas spike each other when they hug? Why is my room always so dusty, no matter how many times I dust it with special dust pickerupper cloths?

I would also adore:

A Summer full of sunny days and free of bushfires. Gluten free bread that doesn’t taste like an old dry cake. To sit on a swing in the park with my best friends, eating Frosty Fruit icy poles. More people to see how fun it is to volunteer. Time to read the pile of books stacked up next to my bed. A classroom that stays tidy and students who are as always kind and funny as I know they can be. The scent of cantelope to disappear from the inside of my car. I only drove around with a cantelope in my car for ONE day, seriously.

And as long as I’m not stretching the friendship…

Let me eat a danish outside Tiffany & Co. when I visit NY. Let my camera not get stolen. Let me pull off the Mimco matching beret & scarf combo I plan to rock in Europe. Let my family stay well and safe and know how much I appreciate them while I’m away. Let me have Blair’s wardrobe. And especially, let it not rain on Saturday night.

Thank you. That will be all. Love Laura

Turn a bad day good: Head to the movies with your Drew Barrymore look-a-like best friend to watch ‘Julie & Julia’ while chowing down on hamburgers and Diet Coke. Chase it up with a double scoop of honey malt macadamia ice-cream in a waffle cone and D&M conversation. (Justify the waffle cone to your gluten intolerant self because the bun on the hamburger was gluten free and looked like you were eating a scone – a biscuit to all you Americans- with meat in the middle. It tasted better than it looked.)

Perk yourself up on a Tuesday: Discover your amazing friends have bought you Taylor Swift tickets for your birthday, standing right up the front. Don’t threaten to make an ‘I love Tay Tay’ sign or they may threaten to boycott. Do plan on wearing cowboy boots and an awesome dress.

Get over a boy: Book a trip to the Greek islands. Tell yourself that there will be many many more boys there. Brainstorm bikini options.

Avoid writing school reports: Watch ‘Charlie’s Angels’ on DVD. Vacuum. Bake Honey Joys. Go for a walk. Watch another DVD. Sort out your wardrobe. Paint your nails. Repeat.

Feel old: Realise that the number of years since you finished high school is parallel to the amount time until you turn 30. And that your school’s uniform has completely changed since you left.

Feel young: Plan on making pink paper chains to decorate your birthday party. Buy a domed cake tin so you can bake a Barbie birthday cake.

Turn a tea towel into a chicken: Lay it down vertically and roll both ends until the meet in the middle. Fold horizontally, keeping rolls intact. Gently pull the corners of the tea towel from the middle of the rolls until they are sticking out a little. Hold the corners of each opposite side and pull tight. Voile`! You have a chicken! (Essential for entertaining children and drunk friends at dinner parties).

tea towel chicken* Not my picture, but props to the lady with the comfy looking dressing gown. A dressing gown is the perfect outfit to wear when practising how to make this chicken…

Hope you are having a blissful weekend!

Whenever we are bored, my friends and I discuss what our lives would be like if we were celebrities.

In this game, we do our normal jobs, live in our normal homes and hang with our usual crew, however we are world famous. (We make the rules, because you can do that in your own games, although the whole notion is kind of weird since we wouldn’t have any reason to be famous if we did what we do now, but that’s beside the point).

I like to think that in my own fame game, I would be less trashbag Lilo famous and more cool, down to earth but none-the-less A-List famous (I’m thinking Natalie Portman/Reese Witherspoon etc).

I do love my hair like this...

I’d be pretty busy, what with my regular appearances on late night chat shows, guest editorials with Vogue and partying it up with Hugh Jackman and my fellow home-town girl Cate Blanchett, but I’d still make time to do some regular jaunts down to the beach with my friends. Of course, it would be hard to escape the paps down there.             What would the headlines make of random dodgy hook-ups at the Conti nightclub or days spent crusing in convertables with my friend’s boyfriends? My addiction to beachside home made gelati might spark crash diet rumours and my escapades dancing under the influence would ensure that Who & New Weekly would have me in rehab before Winter is out.

Perhaps my 2010 plans to flee the country and chase, haphazardly and crazily, after my dreams may be seen as a ‘BIG RISK’ (and some people I know see it). They would probably think I was running away from my troubles (which I’m not. As  Uncle Remus says in ‘Song of the South’, “You can’t run away from your troubles. There ain’t nowhere that far”). Or maybe just that I was a girl in search of more bits of the world.

Would the stuff I do for charities be seen as awesome? Giving back is the new black’ etc. (I once used this as a pick up line at a Charity ball…It worked, much to my amusement. Although we were both wasted…)

The perks would be many (free clothes, goodie bags, dinners with Oprah, tickets to premiere events, my own range of gluten free yet edible pastries). Although I guess I should be thankful that in real life, no one important is going to judge me when I am vicariously copying the style of a celeb or talking to my little fish bottle of soy sauce when it threatens to fall on my sushi. But it’s still fun to think about.

Plus, my best friend TOTALLY is the spitting image of Drew Barrymore. So I’m basically famous already.

xx

Days of My Life

August 2017
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...and it got me thunking... A dip platter is my idea of a perfect meal beach Beyonce` would know Bill Cosby was right and kids do say the darndest things birthday girl bloggers bloggers who rock boys with black nail polish are the sex bushfires champagne child of the 80s chocolate Christmas cupcakes make the world go round dancing to cheesy songs could end war forever david jones dogs are some of the best people i know dreaming family fashion fashion thrills me forwards free friends morph into family frogs Gen Y gluten Gossip Girl XOXO half a letter and half a list Hamish Blake gives me a lift on my ride home Hard to believe but sometimes we are even cooler then Carrie Bradshaw headbands are what dreams are made of Heels equal power honest I'm actually 15 i'm bored therefore i blog i'm such a girl i adore kids books I am you are we are Australian I can't remember as I was a bit smashed i love HK and all its mango drinks i really hope you don't know me i still believe in Santa i wish i spoke in amazing quotations I would have a Diet Coke IV if i could jokes just a moment life long love Lilo Lily Allen Melbourne Miley Cyrus miranda kerr my friends are the best friends once upon a time i loved Hanson parents are intesting sometimes read my brain sad but true sometime i think little kids are smarter then me Spice Girls Spring has sprung Summer Sunday Taylor Swift teaching this show is my life travel unrealistic is more realistic we're all dying too weekends when I'm bored I'm crazy when will i will i be famous? Winter yes i rock singstar

Stuff I Wrote